You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
