He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
