Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
