Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
