We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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