hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
