you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
