so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
