I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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