Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
