woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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