i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
