im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize