pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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