she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
