We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
