I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's shark week go big or go home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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