Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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