if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
