I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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