Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
