I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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