Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize