My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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