Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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