you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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