the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
