we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
