Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
