butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
