Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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