shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
