hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
