Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize