So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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