No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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