So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize