guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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