this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
