so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
