i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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