Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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