I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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