I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im holly from the hills drunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
