In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
