I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
