my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
