i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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