Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
