I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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