sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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