YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
