thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
