They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
