my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
