Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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