pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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