I molested 6 butterflies tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
