Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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