On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
