Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
