my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need moral support for this bender
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize