Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
