Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
