cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
